Heaven Beside You, Hell Within
by Lord Pickett Fence
Summary: Balthier, great Sky Pirate that he is, is having some personal issues with a certain blonde. Will you join me in seeing how they unfold?
1. Chapter 1

**Heaven Beside You, Hell Within**

**Chapter 1:**

"If only it were that you knew..." The young brunette pinched a lock of golden blonde hair between his middle and index fingers. The still younger male, the blonde, sound asleep, made no indication of feeling the former's touch. The brunette stood, releasing the hair, and exited the motion-sensor equipped hatch, leaving the boy to his whimsies and fantasies as he dreamt. Running a hand through his hair, the man thought to himself about his uncontrolled lust toward his first mate. His walk slowed, and finally, he stopped and slumped against the wall; locks of his hair poked between the fingers of the hand supporting his head. He turned so that his back fully embraced the freezing metal that made the wall, and he slowly slid down until his ass was firmly on the diamond plate steel that was the floor. He draped his arms halfheartedly over his knees that were bent upward and let his head loll back and make contact with the wall. He sat in the silence - sans the buzzing of the fluorescents that lit the airship - and contemplated his cure.

The past while had caused him, the brunette, much undue stress. He wished to be able to convey the emotions that drove him, but could only bring himself to lust for the boy. He lacked the courage to act on his feelings. He felt so strongly for the boy, and cursed himself, the leading man, for being fearful.

He momentarily opened his eyes upon hearing footsteps, distant in a corridor, but once they had ceased, he resumed his sulking. To be self-piteous was more so disgraceful to one usually so confident and wise than any other. He wondered how he would continue living like this, knowing full well that it would only be increasingly more difficult. Rationale was something that came naturally to the man, but now it failed him. He was caught up in the game of Romance instead of the game of Psyche that he favored so. He was completely flustered; he knew not what to do with himself. All outcomes of his current situation rooted from a simple, yet impossible question: "Does he return my feelings?"

If it were that the blonde did return his counterpart's feelings, it was well hidden, and it troubled him not. It is known that the guilty are apt to confess while asleep, but the brunette had watched the boy sleep for nigh on a month, and the boy had not uttered a word. This did not trouble the man, for he preferred to see peace as opposed to calamity from his young first mate. Desires to be open with the boy filled his heart and mind, but he simply could not comply. He had come near, oh, so preciously near to those lips only nights before, but could not risk letting his own make the contact with those that they desired. He hungered for the boy's love, and tore himself to shreds in his private cabin for being so scared and weak. Self mutilation was also quite pitiful in the eyes of onlookers, but what exactly was the man to do? He was, after all, only human.

He grunted and let his head hang between his knees. He had been reduced to a self-loathing mess because of his lust for a boy that he had traveled with for, what seemed to be for him, years. Pitiful. It was the only word to describe it. He dared not let on to anyone his true feelings, for they would ridicule and snigger, making snide remarks to the man who lusted after a boy. He could not bring himself to be subject to such torture, especially in the event that his feelings were not returned by his lusted.

He sullenly climbed to his feet and slowly walked down the corridor to his cabin, hands running along the cold metal anywhere he could reach. The feel of the metal gave him the feeling of detachedness, allowing him to be set free for the time being. Never taking his eyes from the cold, hard floor, he entered the warm private cabin that he hoped could one day be a room for two; himself and his blonde. He unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it to the floor. He thought that as long as everyone, save the current pilot, was still slumbering, he could shower without interruption. He looked out of the wall of windows, seeing dawn break, the cold gray of early morning turning to a subtle yellow-orange. His heart was lifted slightly with the calmness of the morn. He discarded the rest of his clothing, leaving them where they fell, and walked barefoot across the solid metal to his washroom, grabbing a towel on the way. He looked himself in the eye via the mirror and saw immediately the face of a heartbroken and lonely man. Were it not for his current depression, he would have been enraged to the point of smashing the mirror, however, were he not depressed, he would not look so ragged.

He twisted the handle for the hot water, and, of course, freezing cold water spurted from the shower head. He grimaced as it pelted his skin, growing slowly warmer. He put his face under the water, and it was barely hot enough to cause a reaction. He let the water pelt his face until it began to scorch. He pulled his head out and breathed deeply as the water ran down his body, heating every inch of tangible flesh. The steam clouded his vision and he knew that soon the entire washroom would be flooded with the vapors.

He relaxed as the water hit him, letting go of his earlier stress. While he was relaxed like this, nothing could faze him; he was completely calm. In fact, he was so calm that he began to become drowsy. He turned the water back to cold to cool off, and then shut it off completely. He grabbed his towel, drying off his face again, and wiped the condensation off of the mirror above the sink. He now looked peaceful, so perfectly peaceful. He smiled gently and wrapped the towel around his waist. He walked back into his cabin and sighed heartily after the brisk air outside of the washroom hit him. He paced over to the small kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. The common knowledge that all of the water on the airship was recycled slipped his mind as he let the cool liquid run past his lips without restraint. He set the glass on the counter and walked over to his bed. He hadn't slept, and so he prepared himself for a nap. He dropped his towel and climbed into his bed, pulling the thin sheet over himself. As his mind slipped, it wandered back to thoughts of the blonde.

_Author's Notes_: This is my first fic in a while, and it is dedicated to Nyx. I originally had a lot more written for this chapter, but it started getting confusing, so I decided to do some clean-up and scrap the last fourth of the chapter. Hope you all still enjoy anyway. I want any and all feedback, flames included, just so I know what I can improve on. 'Preciate it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Heaven Beside You, Hell Within**

**Chapter 2:  
**A knock on the door interrupted the man from his slumber. He woke, but did not open his eyes. The second knock gave him the signal that he was not dreaming anymore. He sleepily removed the covers from his body and pulled on a clean pair of pants, the usual dark leather. He stopped to gaze at his reflection in the full-body mirror hanging on the wall, and ran his fingers through his hair to cure his bed-head. The full-body wasn't there for vanity, because surely he was not vain, but instead was because the crew felt that they were best represented by their Captain, and they were right. Not many lackeys knew that they were judged by their ship and Captain, but these Sky Pirates were not the incompetent fools that many thought them to be. He resumed his pacing to the door and the hatch slid open, and the Bangaa on the other side nearly knocked on the man's face.

"Sorry, Cap'n," the Bangaa hissed. Being a lizard, the Bangaa could not enunciate as well as humes. "We, uh, seem to be having a problem with the engine. Seems a copper wire's snapped in two," the Bangaa ducked, putting his hands over his head. This man was not a cruel captain, but this Bangaa must have been a new engineer or the like, because he clearly did not know his Captain, and his Captain wasn't familiar with him, either. Upon the lack of forceful contact, the Bangaa stood as erect as a half-lizard can, and awaited his Captain's orders.

"Well, it seems that we're going to have to go have it repaired then, doesn't it?" the man asked, his accent showing fully. "Here is a bag of Gil," he said and handed the Bangaa a small leather pouch filled with 3000 Gil. It was the Captain's reserve for if something went wrong with his ship; after all, it was his duty to keep his ship intact. "Tell the pilot to land at the nearest Aerodome and I trust that you know what to do from there?"

"Aye, Cap'n!" the Bangaa said excitedly. He had obviously never had such a level-headed or gracious captain before. He gave a salute and ran off to the cockpit. The man left in the doorway let out a chuckle and shook his head benignly. He returned to his room, the hatch behind him sliding closed. He pulled on a white shirt with a black and gold plate on the front. He pushed his hands back through his hair to make sure that all was in order and sighed with content. He fell onto his bed, and let out a smile. All of his problems from before his nap seemed to have faded and upon his waking; he felt rejuvenated and adventurous. He sat up, placing his chin on his hand, elbow on his knee. His left arm dangled between his legs as he hunched over. By the sun, he assumed that it wasn't even close to noon yet, and so his entire day lay ahead of him. He blew upwards, the strands of hair that had fallen into his face fluttered upward momentarily and then fell back down as his exhaling weakened and stopped. He rolled his eyes as if he were a newly pubescent child who had heard enough talk from his parents.

He walked out of his room, but as soon as his bare feet touched the freezing metal, he jumped back. He shook his head at his own forgetfulness and slipped into his half-boots. He resumed his walk, very casually and wholeheartedly to the galley. He nodded to his crewmembers that passed him, and the Viera on board surely would have engaged in conversation were she not already deep in thought. He opened the door to the galley and saw that there were a select few crewmembers already eating their breakfasts, and they all either gave a salute to the Captain, or some would even utter a, "Good morning." He of course, returned their salutations with a wave, but felt a little self-conscious now that everyone had acknowledged him, despite the fact that there were possibly only eight in the entire room. He grabbed a firm, shiny, red apple and took a seat on the windowsill. He propped his feet along the sill, his back in the corner against where the window met the wall. He tossed the apple into the air, watching the gleam that the sun's rays left on it, and caught it. His gaze drifted outside the window, and, as he ate the apple, his thoughts began to drift as well.

What if, he thought, he revealed his feelings today? There was an entire day ahead of him, and he was sure that he could muster the courage that it would take, and he was very sly, so the set up wouldn't be hard. He would allude to it, he planned, probably if he and the boy got a moment alone, and he'd tease at the idea to gauge a reaction. Last he checked, the closest city with an Aerodome was Bhujerba, so the Lhusu Mines might give the two some free time, and there was always that beautiful view from the bridge connecting the Aerodome to the city. So many options and all he needed was the chance. His brow furrowed in pure determination, ready to confess himself to the boy. All that was left was…

A blonde walked into the galley and, after grabbing a few small items, sat on the sill opposite the Captain. The boy. He sat in silence, nibbling a cracker, waiting to be acknowledged. The man at the other end of the sill tried to show no signs of noticing the boy's presence, although his stomach turned when he saw the tan and blonde of his first mate sit down across from him. He finished the apple, leaving only the core and stem, and casually dropped it into the trash chute. His face showed no surprise at the boy's presence, but the boy seemed eager to talk, as if he were a puppy begging to be given a pet on the head. The man motioned for the boy to speak, and so he took the initiative.

"You know," he said, "This ship would probably run a lot smoother if we cleaned up some of those dents on the engines from our last near-crash landing." The boy had actually learned some humility working under such a restrained Captain. He'd learned to keep himself under control and not to run off so hot-headedly when he wanted to do something and couldn't have his way. He had always done what was right, other than pick-pocketing here and there, but he was bright enough to know when he really needed to act on any given situation. It was a wonder that he used to be a spectacle for being a superb thief in Rabanastre, and now his aspirations for being a Sky Pirate were met and he seemed to mature quite a bit, though he was still a handful to deal with.

"Well, if you think you can run this ship any better, then go right ahead," the man said. He folded his hands on his lap, twiddling his thumbs. The boy was still a bit ignorant, but he was more level headed than he had been. The boy pulled one knee closer to his chest and rested his arm across it.

"Hey, don't get me wrong," he started to defend himself, "You're a great Captain, but I just think that we can get this baby to really move if we just cleaned up a bit." His eyes averted to the clouds. "We've been flying for so long… I really wonder what life on the ground has become now. I wonder what everyone's doing down there…"

A scratchy voice sounded through the PA system and startled nearly everyone. "We're landing in Bhujerba for some repairs. Prepare to dock in two minutes!"

"Well, my boy, that's our cue to go," the man said and walked out of the galley, followed by his first mate.

_Author's Notes:_ Well, that's Chapter 2. It's nowhere close to what I had originally, but what I had originally seemed to be going in circles, so I had to make major revisions. Hopefully I can actually make some of these chapters longer with some substantial detail. Sorry for any disappointments.


End file.
